my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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