I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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