My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
