She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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