Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
