Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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