no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
