I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
