genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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