I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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