She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
