and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
