i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
