she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
