We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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