I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
