dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
