i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
