Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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