How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize