I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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