She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
