Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
