Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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