wanna go halves on a baby?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
