It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
