I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
