Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
