So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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