I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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