Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
