how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
