So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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