What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
