Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
