sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
