I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
