the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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