they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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