I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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