I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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