Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize