No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
