There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
