i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
