I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
