shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
