I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
