his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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