TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
