He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
