I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
