I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your cock deserves a montage
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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