It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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