i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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