You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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