Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
did i just pee glitter
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