When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
