So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
