I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We are two peas in an std pod
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
