ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
