He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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