you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
