I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
