Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
